 - How did you start your sex life? Was it an easy decision? Was there a long period of foreplay, petting, oral sex, or was it spontaneous? How did you feel having lost virginity? Can you say it became a special experience for you?
There are things that deserve documentary approach. Loosing virginity is one of them. God, that happened eternity ago. It happened in another place, another time and now in a different state. Actually it was in another life.
I was born and grew up in a small Ukrainian town. Hard times were approaching – my University entrance exams - I was not getting ready for them at all. In the morning I would take the books out and sit down to study. But in fact I was reading about the history of religious feuds in 15th century France, and not studying sociology and literature as I was supposed to. I was crazy about the middle ages. When I was about 10 I decided to become a well-known writer. But being a practical girl as well I realized that writer was not a profession and I knew that I had to make a living somehow, so I decided to join the journalistic department of the University.
At the same time my step sister Yana was about to get married. He groom’s name was Sasha, he was slim, cute and boasting. Sasha had a bosom friend Oleg, whom I did not know much except for him being 24 years old and working as a photographer. Sasha thought Oleg to be very clever and trusted him on everything. The wedding day was approaching and Oleg, having considered several candidates to be a bride’s friend, rejected them all, and at the last moment it was me who was asked to be the bride’s friend. A hand of doom.
I got ready for the wedding in 2 days and made myself a dress out of some blue shiny fabric. I actually have never been very gifted as a seamstress. I really hate stitching the seams over. Overall my costume turned out to be rather ugly, of toxic-blue color. I still have a picture from that wedding. Looking at it makes me much happier with the way I look now. It takes a special talent to spoil own appearance that much!
So, armed with my own irresistibility, I arrived at step mother’s house, to act a witness at the wedding. Yanka was not dressed yet, her long bridal veil – a symbol of virginity lay on the armchair. Yanka was 7 months pregnant. All local babushkas were anticipating tons of free drink and made a hubbub like young gals. Then came Oxana. Oxana was the groom’s sister, she was about 30, she seemed very pretty to me then. In fact she had a bulbous nose and a rammed in lower jaw. Her husband was a policeman, in jail for bribes, Oxana divorced him because he still had too many years to do. She had plenty of admires therefore. She hated Oleg, because a couple of years ago, when she was still married, she got real drunk, pissed, and fucked Oleg. No big deal, but for some reason she considered herself insulted and had always been rude with Oleg since. The feeling was mutual.
- Hey, you, - said Oxana to me, - come here, - Go iron this fuck (by ‘fuck’ she meant a luxuriant bow attached to Yanka’s ass)
I rushed to the ironing board, plugged the iron in, dashed for water, and turning around for the bow, toppled the ironing board over together with the iron. I did not know how to swear then. The hot iron stuck to the carpet. Not fast, but the ironing surface was all covered with burned piles from the carpet. Fearing Oxana’s anger I rushed to clean it and… the historical encounter took place. I almost burned my first man-to-be with that iron. A short and sturdy young man with short moustache, wearing a tie stood in front of me exhaling eau-de-Cologne.
- Good afternoon, - said I.
- Hi, - replied he.
Most likely, I did not produce any impression on him. Neither positive, nor negative – just a grey mouse ran by. To tell the truth, I was not impressed either.
Then came the wedding.
The official ceremony took place in the city’s central registration office, which was cool, on the way back we stopped to pick up Oleg’s girlfriend. She turned out to be a skinny woman with long hair, named Emma.
- Nobody gives Emma more that 18 years of age from the back’ – told me Sasha. If from the back one could make such a mistake, looking at her face was like looking at her passport. Anyway, she was a kind woman, and, I would think, she must have been very good in bed.
Later we drank Champaign at Dnepr embankment, poured Yanka’s ‘virginity symbol’ with Champaign all over, ‘Oleg’s girlfriend’ and Oxana smoked long and brown More cigarettes. Then we drank and eat to the new family in Poplavok restaurant, then danced and had fun.
I was pretty drunk with all that Champaign, felt myself left aside and decided to pose a little.
‘Hey, you are not paying any attention to the bride’s friend’, - declared I playfully tagging after Sanya and Oleg for a smoke. ‘Are we not?’ – Oleg focused his eyes on my young legs. Then thought for a second, measured my whole figure with his eyes, and the idea to pay attention to me emerged in his drunk head. Later everybody got dead drunk and began to crawl home slowly.
The newly-weds, Emma and us witnesses were somehow squeezed into the old Zhiguli car, we were handed a huge packet with cake and three bottles of vodka in it. Newlyweds were supposed to spend the night at my father’s house, I was meant to be dropped at babushka’s, Oleg and Emma were left on their own devices. On the way Oleg, who must have been drunk indeed, did not bother to hide his intentions, pinched me at various places, made dirty and ambiguous jokes.
His girlfriend Emma sitting in the front seat would turn back from time to time, smile and attempte to laugh at the silliest jokes, in other words – tried to neutralize the menace with her presence. She failed. We got to my father’s house. Sasha and Yanka got out, Oleg loitered in the car.
- He will take his girlfriend home now and come back, - Sashka whispered to me in a conspiratorial way.
I did not pay much attention to his words, it all seemed a sort of a joke to me, no more. Being a well mannered girl I decided to say good bye to Emma. By the look on her face it was clear that Oleg had already told her that he was not going to stay for the night.
- Good bye, - I said, smiling modestly.
She did not return the smile. She kept up the pause, looked at me with sad and understanding eyes and finally said to me:
- You take care too.
I can still remember the look she gave me. Luckily, I have not had to look at other women like that so far.
Oleg was back very soon indeed. For sometime the four of us laughed and had some tea in the kitchen, smoked those awful Kosmos cigarettes. Then Yanka got very tired indeed, and Sanya took his new wife to bed. As far as I remember they did not have sex in their first wedding night – too tired.
We went on laughing with Oleg over some silly stuff. I must say that at that time I had an absolutely idiotic habit of laughing in the least appropriate moments. When guys tried to kiss me, I would burst with laughter, making them doubt their attractiveness. But the true reason was that I did not know how to kiss properly, and was afraid of embarrassing myself.
Now, realizing that the pay time was coming, I began to giggle in response to Oleg’s feeble efforts in the direction of my body.
As it turned out later, Oleg took me for an absolutely immoral woman and decided not to stand upon any ceremonies with me. At first he tried to rip my dress off laughing, but I dodged his move easily and ran through the open door. It was dark outside, the only light was coming from a dim lamp attached to a tree. The lamp was meant to light the way to conveniences. Conveniences were naturally outside the house.
Oleg decided to catch me, but I knew my whereabouts better and went hopping on the narrow path like a mountain goat. But he managed to catch the hem of my dress. The fabric burst open at the seam. Embarrassment. Surprised, he let go of my dress, and I ran into the depth of the garden dragging the tail of my dress behind me. Stupid laughter strangled me again. Oleg stood in the dim lamp light, already wearing his white underpants only and thanks to that fact I had a chance to have a look at his body. Then he walked in my direction. I stood quietly behind a cherry tree hardly seen in the dark.
- Olesia, - called me Oleg softly.
I looked from behind the tree cautiously.
Strange sounds were coming from raspberry bushes nearby – as if somebody was spitting and sniffing.
- Hedgehogs fucking, - said Oleg.
- You’r kidding me! - I did not believe.
- I am telling you. Same thing at my dacha every night.
The source of the strange sounds was very near to where I was hiding. Trying not to frighten the little animals off, I got on all fours and crawled towards it quietly. Oleg followed me lifting his bare legs high like a crane. Sniffing was very near. I lifted thing raspberry branches off the ground and saw the hedgehogs fucking methodically on the ground.
- Don’t scare them off, - whispered Oleg, squatting behind me and stroking my shoulders.
I froze, as if mesmerized, staring at hedgehogs. Before I had seen only cats’ sex so closely, as for human intercourse, all my knowledge came from the two heavy volumes of ‘Gynecology’ book, that had been gathering dust on the shelf since times when my parents were students. For a time being I forgot about Oleg’s presence and came back to my senses only when all of a sudden I realized that he had not been wasting his time, had already pulled down my panties and was stroking me in the most intimate places. I twitched, but he held me down whispering in my ear something like: ‘Quiet, quiet… You will frighten the hedgehogs’. I froze again, but that time my attention concentrated on what he was doing to me. He stroked me harder and faster, massaging my legs and thighs too. I remained on all fours with my back to him, so he was pretty comfortable in doing what he was doing. My celebration dress was almost all on my head already, except for the torn off piece lying on the ground.
Suddenly, something hard and warm rested against my thigh. ‘It is it!’ – I thought in awe. And I was right! The next second ‘it’ entered me with such strength that I was hardly able to stick out my elbows not to dig my face into the ground. My breath stopped, eyes popped out. Oleg was breathing noisily, and that ‘something’, proving my darkest assumptions, began moving inside me as if it was a wound up device. Hedgehogs, seeing that, fled immediately.
At first I tried to crawl away or at least to exhale, but Oleg held me by the waist so firmly, that soon I realized the hopelessness of those attempts. Then I got used to the presence of ‘that thing’ inside me, but still would like to be able to exhale very much, plus my legs, spread unusually wide, went numb and I began to rub my knees sore.
‘If this goes on for five more minutes, I will die!’ – flashed in my head. At that moment Oleg twitched sharply inside me, pushed forward, moaned and his hands became softer. I did fall with my face down, loosening the soil under the raspberry tree with my nose. Finally, Oleg let go of me and fell back right into the garden bed. I set up. I heard people were supposed to enjoy that process. Actually, they also said the first time it hurt very badly. All they said was just a bunch of lies. Oleg lay on the ground naked with his eyes closed and did not move at all. The situation was absolutely idiotic, I had no clue what I was supposed to do then and what to say. ‘Has he died?’ – I asked myself.
From the onion bed came father’s dog Malchik, smelled Oleg’s heel and licked in indecisively.
- Fuck off! – said my first man.
I tucked my legs under me, covered myself with the remainders of my dress. I felt as if my legs were still spread wide apart. At last Oleg stirred. He opened his eyes, stretched out his hand and stroked my dirty and sore knee.
- Was it good? – he asked a strange question.
I hesitated for a second. Good or bad? I would rather say strange or weird. But not good for sure.
- Of course it was good, - said I.
A woman, kind and sympathetic to men in her essence, stirred deep inside my yet immature consciousness as soon as physiological change happened to me.
- Let’s get inside, it is cold here on the ground.
I was awaken by my father’s voice. Me and Oleg jumped on the bed as if scalded. I rushed to the window. Father was walking in the garden with Yanka’s god father. Father was showing his property to the guest, who nodded approvingly. I felt Oleg’s heavy breath on the back of my head.
- What shell we do now?
- You must run.
In the meanwhile father and his guest headed for the house, apparently he wanted to show it. Having grabbed his clothes Oleg hid in the corner. That was a good idea, when father open the door, Oleg remained hidden behind it.
- Hey?! – parent’s face went long, - What are you doing here?
Good thing I managed to cover myself with a gown.
- I sleep here.
- Are you not ashamed? – Apparently father meant my indiscrete presence in the house with the newlyweds.
- What’s the big deal?! – I played an idiot, as usual.
Father shook his head, concluding that his daughter had not a clue about the sacrament of the wedding night or sense of tact, but closed the door anyway. Oleg stood in the corner naked and grey as the ceiling in our never-repaired kitchen.
Next day I got an invitation letter from St. Petersburg State University. It said that I had successfully coped with the studies by correspondence at the preliminary course, and if I could and wanted to, I might come to attend a single month full time tuition.
That day when I boarded the train number 15 from my home town heading for St. Petersburg, my childhood was over. I was already a woman.
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